hey there,

it has been snowing here, lightly all day... piling up right on top of all the snow we got last week.... it is getting deeper... but slowly.... and i have been thinking about that

if i was watching the snow fall, continuously without inturuption, then i would would probably not notice much of the accumulation of it... it is ever so slow.... but b/c i am busy here or there, when i look out i keep saying, wow it is getting deeper, look at the drifts, look at the covered sidewalk... etc.

life is like that, isn't it?

and as much as i hate to bring this up, it is for my own good: it is like my own self care....

i believe most ppl take pretty good care of their hunger, their body temperature (stay warm or cool off, etc.), their thirst, their physical needs and the emenities....

myself on the other hand ignore, put off, delay, deal without, taking care of everything else about me, and everyone else about me.... or even worse just sit in my depression and watch the world go by.

so now i look at it and i have piled up resentments, anger, frustration, weakened body strength and image, and i feel like a failure all the more....

i want to change all this, including the feeling of low self worth.

i guess i will have to begin by observing the snow fall.... watching out for something, anything... that i need for me... big or small.... so no more piling up occurs unnoticed....

so.... it begins by observation.

ttys
~c