hello....

went to my open studio time at the art center... didn't feel like doing anything at all once i found out my pieces still were not bisque fired.... just bums me out to be so dependant on someone and their word... two weeks now i have been waiting to glaze those pieces.... can't wait to get my kiln up and running.

and it bums me out that i am so dependant on ppl to do what they say or i will get bummed out, too...

i just wanna be me.... not so swayed to and fro with the winds of life....

that quote!
that quote.....

yeh, that quote, *sigh*

"we can never change the wind, but we can always adjust our sails"
A A A A A A A \o/
~~~~~~~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~~~,^,~~~~~~~~

that's me...

.....the one in the water!

yeh.

ok, so i have been noticing and doing something about my 'passive' modes of self harm.... things i do automatically that cause me neglect, pain, or suppression of rights and/or feelings.... and these things seem small once i give it an opposite action... like, i think, 'why did i ever do that silly thing instead of taking care of myself?' but, if i put my guard down, then they are right there again, so this definitely will take persistent vigilance to note and change my ways. but, i am not giving up on me.... i am the only one qualified at this point in my life to actually take good care of me, and by jove i am gonna do it, and do it well.

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on a brighter note, i was driving home here about 40 min. ago, and in the new fallen snow.... yes, it keeps on coming little by little... my headlights came to a cut corn field; it has winter hay about 1/4 grown on it right now, so the tops are sticking up out of the snow... so guess what i saw? this is deer country and there was three deer there, and silhouetted against the midnight blue sky was a new buck, he was standing tall though and had 2 points i think; he was so majestic there, looking out for his doe's safety.... took my breath away and made my arms tingle and the hair on my neck stand up.... that feeling is so amazing... like i was very alive with soaking that moment in. wish i could send you a picture... but it is impossible to capture deer here on film up that close... as soon as you stop and try to get out of your car, all you see is white tails flagging as the deer leap away. if you drive slowly and quietly, b/c they are so used to traffic, they will linger.

deer are every bit as beautiful as their pictures and they are dainty, and cautious just like the movies portrait them to be. they will snort if there is danger, and they make a short bark noise kinda like a goat's bark, but it is rare to hear it. they can leap very high and i am always amazed by that... the other day i saw three or four taking on an up hill fence and only one darted under it, the others leaped straight up the hill over it, i would say about 8 feet up counting from their hind legs on the hill to the height of the fencing... it was beautiful to see such strength and agility in a not so small animal.

any way... it is late and morning comes early for me so i need to rest... there i go taking care of myself... might become a habit after all ;O)

ttys.
night,
coral