who's doing the molding of me?

i have very much enjoyed getting into pottery again.... was really into art as a teen and young adult... but soon after marriage, 4 kids... life.... i lost the ability to ask, (did i say ask?.... oh, so there's the problem!, 'allow for' would be better said)... for time for art... i lost a HUGE part of myself when that happened! too , i didn't want my wounds open, and art brings wounds to the surface post haste in my personality... so i also let go of art to protect, to remain in that needed survival mode. (needed to raise healthy children, and need to survive the years i referenced previously)

well, now i have opened that part of me.... it is like a great big surprise package, one that was lying unnoticed in a corner of my existence waiting for the day i would return, dust it off and open it. like Pandora's box it came with over sized things springing forth that i had to deal with and tame, but mostly it came to make peace with me, myself and i... and am i glad!

so back to pottery... i love, love, love it :OD hand building with raw clay is my thing... i just do it... thoughts come forth and i build them into 3-d objects. and then... when i figured out something very big in my journey...

let me emphasize this, kind reader... uh huh, to myself... the fact came to me that i, even as an abused child, i was being held in the palm of His hand... oh yes, it made me full of multiple feelings, that knowing did.... i was angry.... furiously! i was confused... but i was also full to the brim with peace and love and the knowing of His Love of myself as a child, i never even accepted it was there looking back to then...

so i set out to create this knowing in my art, i made a wonderful sketch of me as a young child curled up in my bed, and my blankets and pillow were all parts of my security melding into a loving mother, a large bear, and a hand, not any hand, God's own. i felt a release having it down in pencil where others could look and study and come to know what i feel and know about my own self comforting and the shield of my pain was the loving Father. what a beautiful expression i felt it was... though sketched and imperfect.

then i began making part of this image in clay... my first one was auctioned off for 150... i was shocked... but it was for charity... so that is why i told myself... then someone got in touch with me and asked me to make her a personal one for 125.... her highest bid on the first... wow.... no way to disregard the message being sent out by my work... it is touching ppl! and they want it for their own!!!.... i have since made seven more, several for gifts, and sold two, and am giving one to her, http://sorrow11.wordpress.com/ for her give-away (check her blog out... there are gifts involved!!!!!)

and yet i still have misgivings about how important this work is to ppl.... i have been told it is... i have been encouraged to start a business with them... and still i flinch. it's not that good.... it's not gonna last... no one really wants the pieces....

then.... then i think about what each piece has meant to me... i am different b/c of the pieces and the knowing that is expressed with each one... i am being reshaped by the work i am being led to do. so..... who's molding me? how and why is this changing me? and just what am i to do with all of this creative flow?

more questions.... so now there is need for more standing still and listening for answers....

shhhhhh.... be still my life.... wait..... and just maybe you'll hear Him speak.....